My eternal sunshine Mustafa.
I will choose to love you.
I will choose to celebrate your presence in my life every single day. I will love you because you are the very embodiment of my hopes, my dreams, my smiles, my tears, a bit of the best in me and a bit of the worst.
I will love you because you are the palpable truth of every prayer that I made on every night for years. I will choose to love you every day because you are the biggest monumental milestone in my life.
I will choose to love you every single day.
Because during my worst, weakest and darkest moments you give me strength and empower me. I find the strength that I need to raise you, in you. I will choose to love because you make me a better person. You continue making me want to be a little bit better every day. You remind me never to give up on me, on us or on anything. You make me want to try a little harder every day. And because of that, I love you.
I will choose to love you because you gave me the honour of being your mother.
You profoundly altered the entire course of my life with your arrival and eased the empty tedium of my days into a purposeful journey. I will love you endlessly for that indescribable joy that I felt when I first held you in my arms, felt your skin, smelt your hair and whispered to you that I love you.
I will choose to love you every day because apart from my strength, you also are my biggest weakness.
You strip me of all my walls and defences. You leave me raw and vulnerable in a way that I never imagined possible. My strength and however unbreakable that I imagine myself to be dissipated into nothingness at the slightest thought of harm befalling you. When as much as a tiny scratch on your arm leaves my heart acutely wounded, I cannot help but choose to love you. Every single day.
I will choose to love you for how you have coloured my once silent and peaceful mornings with a cacophony of singing, whining, screaming, cajoling, tantrums and the never-ending negotiation about school.
I am far from perfect and the way I raised you is far from perfect but there is something so inexplicably perfect about us. We are somewhat like a discordant symphony and I will choose to continue loving our beautiful imperfection.
I will show you that I choose to love you not merely by telling you that I love you.
I will love you not just by sheltering, feeding, clothing, educating and providing for you. I will love you not by reminding you how much I have done for you and how you must eternally be grateful to me .
I will show you that I love you by choosing you each and every day of my life.
I will show you that I love you by choosing you over everything and everyone. I will choose you over myself, my job, my social life, my smartphone, and my laptop. I will choose to play with you, to read to you, to listen to you, and to treat your concerns and opinions with utmost respect and urgency. I will choose you by knowing your likes, your dislikes, your irrational fears, your pet peeves, your weaknesses, your strengths, the beautiful teacher you have a crush on and the boy you fought with over a football.
Yours always,
Mama
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